van gachnang

I’m nearly 25 years old and feel like I don’t fit in anywhere.

I’ve been passionate about a few things over the last couple of years, including photography, animals, health, and some other small interests. Each of these things feels like a personal journey that isn’t really easy to tie anyone else in with, so I continue to pursue them and develop my knowledge and skill alone.

That being said, I am desperate for a sense of community. The thing that really hold me back from trying to continue or create a community is anxiety that’s had it’s fair share of control over me for some years now. Some days I’ll feel extroverted, kind, chatty, and warm toward every person I come in contact with both at my day job and in my own life. But most of the time, I feel awkward, unwanted, unsure of myself, and altogether not proud of anything I do or say. It’s much, much easier to shut down, find somewhere comfortable like my home to wind down, and just forget about it. Tell myself I’ll follow up in the future, but never really do anything about it.

Spending time with friends recently gets me thinking even more about this problem, especially when I watch them flourish and succeed in th things they are passionate about. Some friends have a church who will volunteer their time on weekends just to help, asking for nothing in return. Some girls have a group of women who they can turn to, go out for drinks with, and truly feel like part of a group. Many of the photographers I know, mostly from the internet, can turn to each other for advice or invite each other to stay in their homes when another photographer is in the area. And some people go to shows and feel a sense of community and friendship that they don’t expereience anywhere else just based on liking the same music and supporting the same bands. While each of those things have happened to me at one point in life, I eventually gave up on them and didn’t feel “involved enough” to continue spending my time on staying involved.

It ruins me. I would love to invite people who aren’t my closest friends over for a home-cooked meal just so I can get to know them or go out to the beach with people who want to know more about me. But this lingering feeling in the back of my mind always says that it’s easier to say “no, thank you” and go home to continue my personal work or just be alone. I genuinely love cooking for people, and everyone loves food. But the thought of a quiet moment or pause in conversation while people are at my house gets me scared and feeling uneasy. The thought of going out with new friends or strangers and not being included in conversation leaving me to check my phone constantly makes me want to take a nap instead of face the world.

I need to get past this. My business suffers, my friendships suffer, my health suffers. Everything suffers. I do no prosper, I do not grow, I do not move forward in life. I want to be a part of something. But I’m holding myself back because it’s easy.

dheart

If you have ever been touched by the Black & White is Worth The Fight community - whether as an onlooker, a featured artist or team member - I urge you to read this story. This community is not dead and this fight is not over. At the end of this post, I’ll explain how you can help me restore this community and make it a safe place for learning, creating and sharing beautiful art.

I never wanted to write this blog. I absolutely hate confrontation and I don’t enjoy speaking negatively of other artists. I was hoping to settle this matter in court, rather than publicly calling out the names and specific damages done to myself and our irreplaceable community of black & white photographers. However, I have been backed into a corner. We have reached a point where I am forced to come forward with the truth about BNWWTF and Meriwether Studio.

My lawyer wants me to keep this information private until my lawsuit against Chris Kerksieck is filed. However, I feel a responsibility to be transparent with you.

On August 12, 2016, Meriwether Studio published a statement accusing me of illegal activity and claiming to have acquired my Instagram account ethically, with my permission. You can read their full statement at http://meriwetherstudio.tumblr.com/post/148821816278/the-change. I will be addressing this false statement directly.

On May 12th, 2016, a guy named Chris Kerksieck approached me and offered to purchase the @blackandwhiteisworththefight Instagram account with an initial offer of $5,000 - $6,000. I was in a desperate financial situation and dealing with some personal trauma. Due to some extreme circumstances, I was also without a home. I am ashamed to admit that I was considering his cash offer, despite the love and respect I had for the BNWWTF community. I was torn.

Here, we were discussing the sale of the Instagram account, while allowing me to continue using the @blackandwhiteisworththefight name on a new account. This seemed like a slightly better option than selling the BNWWTF namesake. I told myself that the BNWWTF community would continue on, and Instagram followers are not as important as the group itself. Deep down, I knew I was selling out. I was desperately looking for another option.

In all our conversations up to this point, Chris Kerksieck acted very friendly and I believed he was a good person. I had been warned not to do business with him on at least five occasions, by photographers and models. I disregarded their warnings as gossip and chose to see the best in Chris.

Shortly before he took control of the account, Chris attempted to pay me $3,000 via PayPal. I rejected his payment, partly because we had not reached a final agreement yet, and partly because Chris sent the funds in a way that would have costed me hundreds of dollars in fees.

This is where things got ugly.

On May 28th, while I was still considering Chris Kerksieck’s offer to buy my account, my girlfriend called me with some horrible news. Chris had managed to access my Instagram account and change all the info, locking my entire team out. I later discovered that he gained access to my password by manipulating one of my team members. I was shocked and angry that Chris would betray me and take advantage of my BNWWTF curators like this. However, I was still going through some intense personal trauma, so I felt unable to to anything about it.

Shortly thereafter, Chris tried to pay me $1500 via PayPal. He claimed that PayPal’s limits only allowed him to pay this much, even though his standing offer was $3,000 for the account + $1,000 to use the @blackandwhiteisworththefight name. I never intended on selling him the rights to our name.

UPDATE: After posting this blog, I received a call from someone who worked at Parliament, which is the agency Chris mentioned. He confirmed that the agency fired him for criminal conduct and misrepresentation of their company. This is what Chris means when he says “My agency lost a big client.”

After this, I attempted to call, text and email Chris for about a month. I didn’t want his money, I just wanted my account back. I made attempts via PayPal to return the $1500. My guilt for considering his offer was increasing, and I was getting frustrated by the complete lack of response. Chris still had my Instagram account, which he obtained without my consent. He began telling my community that he purchased my account, and used the PayPal screenshot for $1500 as “proof” of the sale.

He refused my attempts to return his money.

My frustration was increasing. I never agreed to sell my account, and Chris seemed to be operating under the assumption that it was already his. For a moment, I thought that I could at least try to get the full amount he had offered me. I made it clear to him that the account wasn’t sold and he didn’t have a right to take it.

Chris had gone completely silent, and I was beginning to receive messages from the Black & White Is Worth The Fight group asking about changes to the account. At this time I was completing the layout for a BNWWTF photo book that the community had been working on for over a year, but people were growing frustrated by the lack of communication. I had begun to offer refunds to anyone who had pre-ordered the book, because they had been waiting too long and I was unable to access any of my Instagram messages on my account. I was locked out.

Then came the slander.

Chris started to use my platform to say that my book pre-order was a scam. He encouraged people to sue me, rather than contact me directly. He saw an opportunity to defame me, and he attempted using it to gain credibility for himself. He even threatened me directly. While he was doing this, I made an effort to explain the progress with my photo book. I asked him to please refer any messages or comments about the book to me, so I can process any refunds necessary. He refused.

I was getting increasingly frustrated.

Today, Chris Kerksieck and Meriwether Studio still control my Instagram account, now called @meriwetherstudio. Chris Kerksieck stole my account and then tried to pay me 35% of his original offer as an afterthought, presumably to cover himself in case anyone asked to see a receipt. I never agreed to sell my account - at best, we were in early stages of negotiating. Chris has ignored my attempts to refund his money. He has ignored my appeals to his humanity. But he cannot ignore the truth. The truth will always come out, one way or another.

As I’ve been reaching out to the photography community for help, I have learned some terrible things. The stories about Chris Kerksieck and his pattern of behavior continue to surface, and many photographers and models have come forward. These stories are not mine to share, but my lawyer believes that I have enough evidence to take legal action under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. I’m saddened by this, but I feel a responsibility to ensure that no one else is taken advantage of.

Two years ago, when I came up with the slogan “Black & White Is Worth The Fight,” I had no idea how intense that fight would be. This isn’t about art, or photography, or even about getting my Instagram account back. This is about the people and experiences that make life meaningful. This is about community. Please don’t stop fighting this injustice. This community was not founded so that we could be bought, sold or influenced. We are worth more.

I strongly urge everyone to share this post. I will keep this blog active until Chris Kerksieck & Meriwether Studio is brought to justice and our community is restored.

Thank you, friends.

-Dustin Erhardt (@dheart on Instagram)

Chris Kerksieck, if you’re reading this post, our demands are simple. Return the @blackandwhiteisworththefight Instagram account to its original owner. Discontinue your slanderous speech and misleading practices on social media. If your claim is true and you feel you purchased this account ethically, show us the signed contract including exact dollar amounts.

I did not want to sue you, but the lawsuits are being filed as I write this. You can make this better for yourself, but you need to act quickly.

UPDATE: This is a recorded conversation with Chris Kerksieck, in which he states I am “being a huge bitch.” I’ve blocked the identity of the caller in the video by their own request.

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

This is where things got ugly.

Then came the slander.